


Broken

by WHERESTHELAMSSAUCE



Series: Shattered [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: A - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay John Laurens, High School AU, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Junior year, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Poor Alexander, School Shooting?, im sorry, later on at least, non-graphic, yes i am finally getting the hang of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WHERESTHELAMSSAUCE/pseuds/WHERESTHELAMSSAUCE
Summary: Alexander was out at a party with his friends until he gets a run-in with Charles Lee, who he hated. Alex would never forget that night. It changed him forever. He falls into a deep mindset and changes from a happy, bold teenager to a depressed, soft new addition to the void of faults.That’s not all to this story, though. After a large school incident, Alexander is hospitalized for a couple months. He has more trouble breathing after the incident and struggles to walk.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Series: Shattered [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913296
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

Alex felt rays of light hit against his eyes. He sat up and covered the source with his hand, taking some time to actually wake up. He stretched out the rest of his body and set his hand down, his eyes used to the light by now. As Alex scanned his room, his eyes landed on the phone next to him on the nightstand. He grabbed it and unlocked it, checking the time quickly and tapping on the messenger button.

**Good Vibes Group**

**alex-** anyone else up

 **Group Muther-** I am. Just got up though 

**Laf-** Go back to bed, mon amie. It’s 5:05 in the morning.

 **Group Muther-** Shush it french boy

 **alex-** mood 

**pegs-** shut uppp you guys are blowing up my phoneee

 **Group Muther-** Great. Now you’re up. Get ready.

 **pegs-** i hate you

 **Group Muther-** Glad to hear. Now get up we have classes in an hour.

Alex clicked off his phone, making his way to the closet. He felt the warm carpet press against his small feet. He nearly tripped over his cat, Smudge, who had hissed in response. Alex stooped down to pet him, scratching Smudge behind the ear. He got up straight again and made his way towards the closet, flicking on the light. The lightbulbs were warm toned and not to bright which is what Alexander liked about them so much. He grabbed a hoodie and a t-shirt, opening up his dresser and grabbing a pair of jeans. 

Alex slipped on the clothes and skipped towards the night stand, grabbing his phone and skipping out the bedroom door. He had passed by multiple doors on his way to the bathroom. He flicked on the light and carefully grabbed his brush, making sure not to drop it. He ran it through his silky hair a couple times before grabbing a hair tie and styling his hair into a low ponytail. He picked up his toothbrush, flicking on the tap water and running it over the toothbrush. He brought it up to his mouth and flicked off the water, scrubbing his teeth.

**Ding!**

Alex spit into the sink, washing it out quickly and checking his phone. A message from Angelica. He sighed and opened up his phone, responding.

 **Group Muther-** Alexander. I heard Lee chatting about you the other day. The dude hates you.

 **alex-** tell me about it

 **alex-** he annoying af

 **Elizaa-** He has a point.

 **here’sJohnny-** wait we have school today ****

 **alex-** oh my god..

 **pegs-** realization in 3

 **here’sJohnny-** OH S*** 

**ANDTHENALONGCAMEZEUS-** hercules mulligan!

 **alex-** not today herc

 **Group Muther-** School is in 30 minutes. Get readyyy.

 **alex-** im past ready 

**alex-** im three dimensions ahead of you actually 

**ANDTHENALONGCAMEZEUS-** fight me

 **alex-** i’d win

 **ANDTHENALONGCAMEZEUS-** you’re 5’0, i’m 6’2

Alex clicked off his phone, humming to himself as he trotted down the halls and back to his room. He wasn’t hungry enough for breakfast, maybe tomorrow. Alex threw himself onto his bed, scrolling through his recommendations on YouTube. Nothing good, like always. He set his phone down next to him in defeat and closed his eyes.

He got up 15 minutes later, sighing and getting off his bed. He quickly turned and grabbed his phone which he had almost left. Alex made his way downstairs, fiddling with the case of his phone. 

“Leaving so soon?” Martha called from the kitchen, a small pout on her face. Alex chuckled and nodded, waving from the door frame. 

”Angelica is picking me up early. I’ll see you soon, ma” He reassured, heading out the door. He closed it with a small click and rushed down the driveway and through the snow where her car was waiting. She reached over the passengers seat and pushed open the door for Alex, who got in hastily. 

“Why in such a rush, Alex? Can’t wait to see your John?” She teased, driving off at a steady pace. Alex rolled his eyes playfully and giggled, nudging her arm.

”No, actually. I’m just tense after the break to get back in that library.” Angelica sighed at Alex’s comment, keeping her eyes on the road.

”When are you gonna tell him, Alex?” Angelica asked. She was the only one Alex had told about falling for John. Alex shrugged.

”There’s never a right time, unfortunately.” He pouted, setting his head on the glass window and staring at the hills of snow they would be passing by.

”There’s a New Years party that Aaron is throwing, you could just kiss him there or dance with him. That’d be the right moment.” Angelica smiled.

”Of course- I could ask him to dance! I just hope he doesn’t decline, that’d be embarrassing.” Alex took his head off the window, beaming as he made hand gestures throughout his sentence. He reached over and hugged Angelica, thanking her briefly. 

The trip had been quiet but was extremely enjoyable. Alex was so giddy about the dance that he couldn’t talk, even though he loved to. 

They pulled up at the school, exiting the fancy vehicle. Alex looked around for Lafayette’s car, but alas, no sign. He closed the door and joined Angelica as she was walking up to the school. They had pushed through the doors and the other group ran over to say hi. 

“Heyyy!” Herc waved, walking towards them.

Alex was about to say hi when he was thrown into a hug by John. Of course, Alexander hugged him back.

”Alex!” John said happily as he threw Alex into a hug.

”John~! I missed you too.” Alex beamed. 

The two pulled away from the hug, slightly blushing. Alex giggled and turned to Angelica, who was giving an approving thumbs up. Peggy ruffled Alex’s hair as she walked by him, joining her sister. She saw her all the time so she just gave her a little friendly kick on the shin.

”Ow!”

”Hmm?” Peggy hummed cheekily. Angelica shook her head, smirking and motioning for Eliza to come join them. In which, she did but she brought Maria with. Of course, that was fine but it would’ve been better with just the Schuyler sisters.

Alex and John walked alongside each other to their classroom, both boys deep red. They all were giggling and telling jokes to each other. 

“Well, this is my stop. See you at ELA, John!” Alex waved bye and entered the class, walking to his desk and setting his bag aside it, sitting down and sinking into the chair. Thomas had been glaring at him for the past couple seconds, but Alex didn’t look his way and continued to smirk. He had been humming to himself silently as he tapped his fingers on the desk, waiting for the boring class to begin.

”Hamilton, you seem dazed. Little John been tugging at your heart strings lately?” Thomas sneered. Alex continued to ignore him and think about John. The teacher had entered the room and begun class, handing out a short quiz. Alex read through the material, easy stuff.

He had finished it earlier than all of the others and turned it swiftly, heading back to his desk to continue to fantasize the New Years party. The teacher nodded at his paper and set it into a new pile of graded tests.

ELA came right before lunch. He sat right next to John. He had chosen that seat in the beginning of the year and boy did it pay off. John smiled as he sat down next to him and ruffled up Alex’s hair. Alex gave a bubbly grin and flushed, looking away hesitantly. 

ELA class was a breeze. Time seemed to pass faster when John was nearby. They were on their way to lunch together when John had slipped his hand into Alex’s, making him turn deep red. John saw this and just giggled, pushing the cafeteria door open.

”Those two are meant to be together, I’m telling you!” Peggy grinned, seeing the two holding hands.

”Alex is gonna dance with him at the party, so I think we’re good to bother them about it until New Years. Knowing Burr, he’s probably gonna put on some slow song.” Angelica said, snickering.

The two joined the group at the table, Alex flushing deeply and John giggling.


	2. The day before the world turned upside down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s nice to live a peaceful day with your best friends before your whole world begins to burn.. right?

Alex awoke later than usual, strange? He must’ve stayed up later than planned. That was alright, though. He had stayed with the Schuyler sisters and John last night so that explains why he awoke in a guest bed. He made a deep yawn and hopped out of bed, looking at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and he had bags underneath his eyes. He threw on a hoodie and stepped out into their kitchen, opening the cupboard and pulling out a box of cereal and a bowl. He set them on the counter and made some coffee, rubbing his eyes and waiting for it to be done.

”Morning, Alex!” John called from the living room.

”Mmorn’n” Alex mumbled, too tired to speak. He set the coffee onto the counter, pouring his cereal into the bowl. He reached around for the coffee he had set down and grabbed its handle, pouring some into the cereal. He took a spoon and set it in his cereal, taking a bite. 

“Alex- do you normally do that?” Peggy asked him, staring at him with worried eyes. He looked around at the others and took another bite of his cereal. They were looking at him like he was crazy.

”Alex?” 

Alex groaned in response, taking another bite and rubbing his eyes.   
  


“Did you mean to pour coffee in your cereal?” Eliza asked, her eyes confused, worried, and slightly disgusted.

He nodded, continuing to eat his breakfast. He saw the others shrug out of the corner of his eye as they went back to relaxing.

”School was canceled today, snow storm hit overnight.” John said, relaxing and setting his hands behind his head. He winked at Alex, who has looked up at him and out the window. It was still snowing at it had gotten pretty high up. Alex felt too tired to be standing at the moment, he must’ve overworked himself again. He went over and sat down near the coffee table before passing our of sleep deprivation. He was snoring softly after his head hit the table, landing with a *thok*

”I told him to stop overworking himself!” Angelica complained as she rushed over to him, biting on her lip nervously. “He _promised_ to stop overworking himself!” She looked angry yet concerned as she lifted Alex’s body up carefully with ease and set him on the couch. He woke up a little less than an hour later, looking around at all the angry looks he was being thrown. Except John, he was nervously smiling at him.

”You said you wouldn’t overwork yourself!” Eliza crossed her arms, repeating what Angelica said. Alex groaned and rolled his eyes, sitting up.

”You know I can’t keep a promise like that..” He mumbled, straightening out his hoodie and brushing through his hair with a finger. Eliza scoffed and got up, walking to the kitchen where she fixed herself a _regular_ bowl of cereal. Angelica and Peggy’s angry looks turned into giggled when they saw Alex’s hair.

”You look like you just came out of a rat invasion.” Peggy said truthfully.

”Wow, thanks. Really needed that.” Alex said sarcastically and rolled his eyes playfully, slumping back down again and grabbing his phone. He opened it and scrolled throw twitter, the most chaotic app ever created. He laughed as he read some of the posts on there. They weren’t meant to be funny but they were pathetic.

”Want to go out for hot chocolate?” Angelica asked with a smile.

”Sure, I’m down.” Alex said from the counter, applying his mittens and thick woven hat. He made his way to the door, slipping on his furry boots as the others joined him, chittering away.

”It isn’t that far down the road so we can just walk.” Angelica said, pushing open the door and walking outside, her curls beginning to pile up some snowflakes. Alex stepped out into the cold, looking around at the thick snow they had received. John strode next to him, smiling. 

Alex gave a quick smile back and began to trudge through the snow, following the taller girl. The snow reached his shin, sending chills down his skin as he continued to walk. The others seemed to be fine and continued stepping through the snow with ease. 

“Hey, Alex.” Peggy called from behind him.

”Hm?” Alex hummed and turned around, being hit in the face with a snowball and falling back into the snow. Peggy laughed and stepped in front of him, reaching out a hand. Alex dug his hand into the snow, curving it and bringing his hand up, launching the snowball at her chest. 

She glared and pulled him up, shoving him lightly and continuing on her way.

”Hurry up, shorty!” Peggy called from the front, Alex trailing in the back. He grinned and ran forward next to John, who’s cheeks were red. Alex chuckled and looked forward, seeing the small cafe uphill. They had reached it a couple minutes later, entering with shivering but happy bodies. They went up to the counter, ordering what they wanted.

”Sorry, this table is full!” Angelica, Peggy, and Eliza swiftly sat down at the 3 person table and pointed them to a two person table, smiling cheekily.

”We could just pull up some-“ Angelica shot a glare at John who had been talking. The two went and sat at the table awkwardly, blushing.

They made eye contact once or twice before going to get their drinks, arms brushing against each other on accident. John laughed awkwardly and rushed back to the table. Alex sat down and smiled nervously as John took a passing glance at him. He smiled back weirdly and drank his hot chocolate, avoiding contact.

This was not going so well.

Of course, Alex liked him but he couldn’t seem to talk in this situation. He was extremely nervous and anxious about this whole just the two of them thing. Alex heard giggling from the other table and made a side glance, it turning into a glare. They were watching them. Alex flipped them off underneath the table and took a sip of his drink, glancing down at his hands anxiously.

-Back at Angelica’s apartment-

Alex was relaxing on the carpeted floor in the open room. He just preferred it sometimes.He looked around the room and got up, joining Angelica who was making dinner.

”Anything I can help with?” He asked, smiling. She looked over and grinned, pointing to the vegetables on a chopping board. Alex nodded and grabbed a knife, beginning to cut the peppers. On the third, Alex had accidentally brought his hand to close to the knife and cut it. He glanced down at his hand and covered it, the sting hitting him. He had let out a small hiss of pain which caught John’s attention. John glanced over and saw Alex covering his hand, his eyes shut tight. John got up, stepping over to Alexander and carefully removing his hand.

”Oh jeez, Alex. You’re such a clutz~” John said softly, turning on the sink water and setting Alex’s hand underneath it. John moved him closer to the water and left to go look in the cabinet for a bandage. He reached up where Alex couldn’t and grabbed a roll of white bandages, walking back over to Alex calmly.

”Gimme you hand real quick.” Alex did as he said, moving his hand out of the cold water. John removed the metal piece holding the straps together and wrapped them around his hand carefully, mumbling words. After he was done, he shut off the tap water and let go of Alex’s hand. Alex gave him an appreciative smile as John moved over to the cutting board, cleaning off the knife and began to cut the rest of the vegetables for him.

”John, you don’t have to-“ Alex pleaded, only to be hushed by John.

”It’s fine. I can help Angelica, you just go sit back down.” John said, ushering Alex away. He sighed and sat down, setting his head on one of the pillows. He closed his eyes for what he thought was only a couple of seconds and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The coffee cereal idea was inspired be FreesMoocHe’s, a artist.


	3. The Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Involves self harm. Do not read if you don’t feel comfortable with that subject (or the warning this series has)

Alex woke up early on the day of Burr’s party. He had never attended one before and besides that, he was going to ask John to dance with him. Of course, there’s the chance of him saying no but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be really excited about it, right?

He had skipped breakfast this time, not being hungry as usual. He quickly threw on some clothes and looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn’t brushed his hair at all in the past 2 days. He opened up his bag, taking out a small brush and began to run it through his silky hair carefully, counting to himself in french.

“Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq Six Sept Huit Neuf Dix-“ There was a knock at his door, which he rushed over to answer. John was there, smiling at him. Alex quickly smiled back, perking up his head.

”Hey, Alex? Can you help me with my hair- it’s a mess and Angelica told me you were experienced with detangling.” John asked, pressing his fingertips together.

“Oh, course’!” Alex pointed to the chair in front of the bed, quickly stopping with brushing his own hair and went to set behind John, brushing at the end smoothly. It was quiet for a bit, the only sounds were coming from Alex’s slow breathing. He finished up with John’s curls, wrapping them into a ponytail. 

“Finished. I set your hair into a ponytail if you don’t mind-“ Alex said with a grin. John got up and thanked him, exiting the room with a series of hums. Alex set his own hair into a low ponytail and fell back into his bed, sinking in the soft mattress. He let out a sigh and checked his phone, scrolling through it.

**Good Vibes Only**

**ANDTHENALONGCAMEZEUS-** yall going to the partay

 **alex-** eyup,

 **GroupMuther-** The Schuyler sisters are in.

 **HeresJohnny-** i am

Alex clicked off his phone, ignoring the buzzes and closing his eyes. He was smiling to himself and turned onto his side, catching a small hour name waiting for 8:00 P.M to arrive. This night may possibly be the best night of his entire life. He was going to be surrounded by all his friends- oh what could go wrong? 

“Alex, wake up!” Peggy yelled at him, a handful of melting snow in her palms.

”Peggy, no-!” She had shoved the snow down the back of his shirt, running away quickly. He said a couple loud cusses before getting it out of his shirt, running after her.

”I’M GONNA KILL YOU-“ He yelled affectionately. Peggy was like a very playful sister to him, it was typical for the two to pull pranks on each other on a daily basis. He had tackled Pegs down to the ground, putting her into a playful neck hold. 

“Alright, alright! You win!” She pleaded for him to let go, which he did but with a cheeky grin. She ruffled up his hair and got up, reaching out a hand for him to grab. Alex took that hand, being helped up by the girl. He shoved her softly and walked off to the kitchen where he saw Eliza making pancakes.

”Yum-“ Alex muttered as he nicked one, taking a bite out of it. She always made the best pancakes, everyone could agree with you on that no matter how much of a liar you may be. He quickly grabbed a butter knife and added a swatch of butter, mixing it onto the pancake. He finished it rather quickly and thanked Eliza, skipping off to sit down next to John.

”Morning, Alex. Ready for Burr’s get-together tonight?” John asked with a grin.

”Ready than I’ll ever be-“ He smirked, throwing his leg over the other and humming to himself, watching the TV in front of him. John took a side glance at him and smiled, looking back at Eliza who had tossed him a good luck thumbs-up.

-In the car, 8:37 P.M- 

Alex was excited. First party? Check! Gonna try and give the whole spiel about his feelings to John! Check! What could go wrong? This was the most excited he had ever been in a while. He fiddled with his phone for a while before dropping it, frantically picking it up.

”What’s got you all excited?” Eliza asked from the front seat, looking back at him. She had a smile on her face as Alex brushed her off, looking at the bright screen. Oh why can’t they just be there already? Only 4 minutes had passed since Eliza spoke to him- time wasn’t going quickly enough.

”We’re here- but only 10 minutes early.” Angelica said, pulling into the driveway of the small home. Alex was the last out, being way in the back of the car. Alex rushed inside after the others, giggling.

”Welcome! You’re quite early, don’t you think?” Burr said at the table, music blaring from the main room.

”Better early than late~” Angelica said, making her way over to them. Aaron nodded in agreement, motioning to a seat next to him. Alex strode next to them, grinning. Aaron rolled his eyes, shifting his gaze over to the sisters. They began to chat away for a couple minutes before Aaron’s door opened again, revealing a group of four boys. Charles Lee, Samuel Seabury, James Reynolds, and George King. They weren’t exactly the best people but eh- Burr invited them. He looked back at Angelica who as smiling at him. 

Over the next 10 minutes, more people arrived; each with smiles on their face. Theodosia entered the house and Burr immediately ran towards her, pulling her into a hug. Alex scoffed and looked at all the people around him. Half of them were drunk, an eighth of the entire people there were being all sappy with each other. Alex hung about for a while until a slow song came on. Some of the couples had started dancing together and Angelica tossed him the look. 

“Go get em’!” She said, watching him get up. He made his way over to John, nervously smiling as John looked back at him. He walked up ti John and reached out his hand, which was shaking. 

“Er- Do you want to dance with me...?” He said anxiously. John set his hand on Alex’s, wrapping his fingers around his hand and smiling,

”Gladly!” John said, blushing. Alex giggled and something crossed his mind. Why had he not thought of this before! Oh god- Alex..

”I just remembered something- John.. I uhm- don’t really know how.” He said. John giggled and shook his head.

”I’ll help you.” John softly lifted Alex’s arm in the air. Not too high, though. John set his arm around half of Alex and began to move in a square sort of pattern. _Back, left, up, right. Back, left, up, right._ Alex copied his motions, giggling to himself.

”There- you got it.” John said proudly, staring slightly down at Alex’s face. Time had passed rather quickly and it reached the end of the song. John had decided to try and make his move at the end, which worked well in his case. The end of the song came and Alex was about to pull away when John had cupped his cheeks lightly and brung his face forward, kissing him.

Alex was surprised at first, but returned it and heard whoops from his friends. Laf and Herc had been cheering for them. Alex took time to sink that moment in gladly. He had pulled away a couple seconds after, blushing proudly. John beamed at hi. and gave him a hug. 

“Love you~” He said, ruffling up Alex’s hair gently.

”I can say the same easily.” Alex said, kissing John’s cheek. The two joined the rest of the friends at the table and began to chat immediately.

There was a tap on Alex’s shoulder. He looked around and saw the four ‘mean girls’ of the school, just boy version. Alex tilted his head and got up, leaning against the chair.

”What do you need?” He asked, scratching his cheek.

”We want to have a word with you, Alexander. Could you come with us for a moment?” Alex would never forget those words. Those exact words turned his life into chaos.

He got up and was led away by the group to a backroom where it all changed. At first it was harsh flirts- then the unforgettable happened. He remembered muffled pleading from himself. It had all happened in less than a couple minutes. It’s funny how something so happy could change in a few given moments.

Alex returned to the table an hour later in pain. He was given questionable looks at first but he brought up a fake smile, assuring it was alright. He looked at his hands which were sweating and bruised. His breathing fastened a bit as he began to think it all over again. He looked to the corner of the room where Charles was looking at him with a malicious grin. Alex quickly looked away, his throat beginning to sore. He looked beneath him as the ground began to crumble into a black void. He had reached out for John’s hand, but he was no where to be seen. Just Charles and his crew. He fell into the pit and landed on the black ground with a thud. He set one hand on his head, the other on the ground and pushed himself up, looking around. It was memories from the past hour..

”Alex? Alex-! Can you hear me? God- someone get a glass if water or something!” The voices echoed throughout the void and something cold hit his face, bringing him back to reality. He sweating heavily and his eyes were widened. Alex was on the ground wrapped in a ball and a soaked face.

”Jesus- Alexander.. you scared us!” Aaron was looking at him with worried yet compassionate eyes. John was next to him, holding a glass with droplets of water in it. Alex sat himself up, setting his hand to his forehead. 

“I want to go... please.. you can just drop me off at the apartment.” He looked at Angelica, who hastily got up and helped him to his feet. She waved goodbyes to the friends for now and helped Alex to the car and into the front seat. She closed his door gently and got in the driver’s seat, backing out of the driveway after inserting her keys.

She was driving on the road when she looked at Alex, who was hyperventilating. “Alex, what’s going on? Are you sick? Did something happen?” Alex nodded to the sick part and turned to the window, closing his eyes tightly.

They pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. Alex was slightly behind Angelica with tears forming. He was in so much pain- physically and mentally that he couldn’t bare to tell anyone about this. He had to keep it wrapped around himself. Of course, this was just another addition to the pile of mistakes.

Angelica opened up the studio door and led him inside, sitting him down on the couch and quickly bringing a pot of water to boil, setting a teabag inside of it once it was done. A couple minutes later, she took it out and mixed the tea with cold water, sugar and ice cubes. She poured some into a teacup and brought it to Alex, who was looking at his hands. 

“I have to get back to the party to make sure they get home alright, Alex. I’ll see you in a couple of hours. Get some rest, for me, alright?” Angelica took a last worried glance at Alex and left the apartment. Alex couldn’t cope with all of this inside of him. Sure, his idea wasn’t great but.. none of his problem solvers ever are. He got up from the couch, heading to his room and looking in his new nightstand (He had officially moved in with them yesterday) He took out his pocket knife and gulped, extending it nervously. As long as this doesn’t get out of hand- it should be ok.. right?

Alex lifted up his sleeve to his shoulder and looked at his arm nervously, setting the blade against the skin and slicing it thinly. He watched the blood arise to the top of his skin in a thick amount. Though it hurt, it seemed to let out some of his held in issues. He had earned nearly 17 new temporary scars that night. It stung his skin when he washed the blood off, but it felt as if it was helping. He washed off the blade and pushed it back into the small compartment. He walked back to his room, setting it in a drawer and closing it gently. Alex sat down on his bed and a bunch of tears fell from his face. Why had he gone with them.... Why had he cut himself 17 times instead of talking about his problems to his reflection? But the biggest question of all;

Why couldn’t he die?


	4. False Accusations And Tears.

Alex was on an unhealthy schedule. He didn’t eat at all unless forced to by his friends. He was on his computer most of the time, writing essays that he didn’t even need to write. He worked 24/7 to clear his mind up of all the chaos. Of course, it didn’t end it. It just helped with it. 

He heard Angelica talking on the phone with Eliza, who was at work. ‘Yeah, I think I know what’s going on with him. If he says he did do that I’m gonna be so angry-“ She muttered. Alex pushed the calls away from him. He heard Eliza say something that made Angelica storm into his room, leaning against the doorway.

“What happened in the backroom, Alexander?” She said, looking humble and sweet but her voice sounded angry. If she did find out what had happened, why was she angry at him for it? Alex stood silent, tired eyes looking into bright and angered ones. 

“Eliza mentioned that you might be dating Charles Lee.” Alex quivered at the name and shook his head violently. Angelica released a stiffened laugh and continued. “Y’know, there’s a chan-“ Alex cut her off.

”I’m not dating him! Leave me be!” Alex turned away and furrowed his eyebrows together, wiping his teary eyes. Angeluca was slightly taken aback by that, but left without a word. He would never dream of being together with that freak! He gave a small cough and pulled his hood up. 

Angelica and Alex got into a large fight that night. It ended with Alex rushing towards the bathroom in tears. Normally, he’d walk away without any pity but.. Angelica was his friend and helped him through a lot. Alex was softer than the Alexander Hamilton everyone knew a couple days ago. 

‘Un’ he closed the door quietly behind him, sinking down to the ground with his back pressed against it and silently crying to himself.

’Deux’ He ran his hands through his hair and let out a small sob.

‘Trois’ He took the pocket knife out of his hoodies front pocket and examined it carefully as tears fell down his face.

’Quatre’ He lifted his other sleeve, extending out the blade and examined his clear arm. 

‘Cinq’ He engraved ‘Im Sorry’ into his arm, letting out a wince as he set the blade amongst his soft skin.

‘Six’ Alex marked a couple more slices into his skin and let out a hiss of pain.

’Sept’ There was a small knock at the door and a worried voice. It was Peggy.

’Huit’ “Alex..? Please- are you in there? I just wanna talk.”

’Neuf’ Alex stayed silent, closing the blade and rushing over to the sink, washing off his skin.

‘Dix’ It was all over. He set the blade back into his pocket. Peggy opened up the door and ran over to Alex, who had tears on his cheeks. She pulled him into a hug, Alex hitting her gently and lifelessly. He set his head on her shoulder and let out a small wail.

”I think she’s just confused.. she didn’t mean all of that-“ Alex let out a small sob. Half of it was from the pain on his arm. Peggy patted his back and gave a small smile, leading him out of the bathroom. She saw a couple speckles of blood in front of the door on her way out but decided not to think too much about it.

Two days later, they returned back to school. Alex was silently walking alone in the hallway when a voice called to him. He turned around and saw their smug face as the two men walked up to him.

”Oh Hamilton~ Lee told us what happened the other night.” Jefferson said. That sent a quiver down Alex and he began to nervously look at the ground. 

”He told us how-“ Jefferson was cut off by James, who signaled for him to stop. Alex was frozen in his tracks. He couldn’t move one bit and was stuck. _Why did Lee tell them_? He just loves ruining lives! Alex quickly shoved past them, making his way to the classroom and sitting in the back corner. He didn’t want to be seen. He just wanted to disappear. 

A girl sat next to him, smiling and waving. He didn’t look at her, just kept his head down. She tilted her head and shrugged, facing directly forward. The teacher was ranting on and on about the lesson and finished up the class in what seemed like no time. Alex swung his bag over his back and left the classroom, looking up at across the hall. Charless stood there, winking at Alex. 

Alex’s class was that way, but he couldn’t stand walking by Charles. Not just that, but he shared this class. Should Alex skip? No. He couldn’t do that. Besides! Charles sat all the way across the room from him, so it couldn’t be that bad..right? Wrong. Charles told a classmate to pass a note to Alex, yet Alex hadn’t noticed. The boy next to him passed him a note, which he took and returned with a smile. He opened the note and read through it, mouth gaped and dropped the letter.

Dear, Alexander Hamilton,

I see that you feel the need to ignore my presence. 

I noticed the way you have changed after my encounter. 

Maybe we had a sort of _rough_ start. 

Meet me outside.

Alex was suddenly glued to his seat and began to flicker back and forth from the void and the earth. He was hyperventilating again. He heard voices call out to him, but couldn’t seem to grasp it. His vision went black and he passed out in his chair, head falling onto the desk. 

He woke in a nurse’s office and looked around, sitting up and rubbing his eye. John, Peggy, Hercules, and Laf was there stating at him. Laf was reading through the same letter Lee had given Alex and tilted his head, handing it to John. John also read it, confused.

”We found this on your desk, mom petit lion. What does it mean?” Laf asked, handing the letter back to Alex. He knew exactly what it meant but shrugged anyway, setting it in his bag. They didn’t need to know. No-one ever should have to endorse Alex’s pain besides him. He can’t spill out all his feelings!

“We can figure it out later. Alex, you alright now? You passed out in the middle of class for no reason-“ John said, smiling. 

Oh... no reason..they’d be devastated if they found out what happened.

”I’m fine.”

The biggest lie of his life laid amongst those words. ‘I’m fine’


	5. CreamPuff

Alex was laying on his bed, scrolling across the tabs on his phone. There was a knock at his door. Alex was hesitant to respond but they came in before he could say anything. Peggy entered his room, going to sit at the edge of his bed. Alex propped himself up to a sitting position as she began to talk.

”John’s birthday is tomorrow. He’s throwing a party if you’re up for it.” Alex perked his head up. He wasn’t quite fond of parties anymore. But for John.. he could do that. Alex nodded and shut off his phone, looking back up at Peggy who had a large grin on her face.

”What time is it taking place?” He asked, propping his head on his two knees that he pulled close to his chest. Peggy looked back at the message and read it out loud.

”Tomorrow at 8:00 P.M, uhh.. oh! At the roller rink.” She said, scrolling to Alex’s number and typing the same message John sent her. Alex thanked her as she left, waving lightly. Alex got the same text from John later on along with a tiny note at the bottom. 

-Ps. Charles and his mean girls aren’t invited.

Alex couldn’t help but to smile at that. John must’ve thought the note must’ve been about a little fight that Lee wanted to start up. But if he found out what it really meant he’d be put under so much stress. Alex sighed and looked out the window- sunset spread across the horizons. Alex opened his window, climbing onto the window sill and grabbing ahold of the roof, climbing onto it carefully. He stood at the tip of the roof, staring at the scenery when a meow caught his attention. He turned around to see a young cat and bent down, smiling. He offered out his hand, letting the cat sniff it hesitantly. He examined the maine coon carefully, landing his eyes on the missing eye. The cat also had a tore ear. Alex smiled and scratched its cheek affectionately. 

“You seem lost, kitty. You’re like me. We’re both lost and have been affected by something that made us different.” The cat tilted her head and Alex giggled, sitting down. He patted his lap, which she jumped into. Alex giggled again and pet her stomach, seeing she enjoyed it. She had a rather large stomach- must be well fed for a stray. The feline was purring softly as Alex carefully picked her up and set her inside his hoodie. 

“It’s a bit cold out- I thought you could use some extra warmth.” He cooed. The young feline peeped her head out of the neck hole and licked Alex’s chin. He smiled and scratched her chin. 

“I’m going to call you..” Alex thought of a name suitable for her. She was a fluffy, cream colored maine coon... “CreamPuff. Does that sound alright to you?” CreamPuff only responded in purrs, so Alex took that as a yes. He beamed and pecked the top of her fluffy head. Her bushy tail was flicking back and forth softly as Alex continued to pet her. The sun had gone down a while ago and it got colder.

”Here, kitty. I have to go inside.. do you want to come with me? It’s too cold out here.” Alex asked CreamPuff. She looked up at him with a light brown eye. Alex giggled and cupped his hands around CreamPuff who was settled neatly in his hoodie and stood up, making his way back to the window. It took some effort to get back in his room safely but in the end it worked out alright. He let CreamPuff out of his hoodie and closed the window. She immediately went onto his bed and sat down, looking at him and flicking her tail. Alex giggled and sat with her, scratching behind her ear. 

His door opened, Eliza standing at the doorway. She saw the little cat and squealed, shutting the door carefully and rushing over to Alex’s bed. Alex chuckled and watched Eliza pet her.

”What’s her name?” Eliza asked, looking up at Alex. 

“CreamPuff. What do ya think of her?” Responded Alex. Eliza giggled and pecked Cream’s head lightly.

”I think she’s lovely.” Eliza smiled. “Where’d you find her?”

Alex pointed up to the roof. He lowered his hands and rubbed them together, still being freezing. Eliza was caressing the cat’s cheek affectionately before gasping. Alex looked up from his wrists in panic, but saw the gasp was out of excitement. Eliza looked up from CreamPuff in excitement.

”I’m confused- spill it, Eli.” Alex demanded playfully. Eliza squealed and pointed to Cream’s large stomach.

”I think she may be pregnant.” Alex scoffed and shook his head at the comment. There was no way Cream was going to have kittens.

”Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Eliza stood up, lifting her hand from CreamPuff’s head. “I’ll ask Angelica about the cat, but she’ll probably hog her. She’s been planning to get a pet, too.” She smiled as she left the room. Oh jesus.. Alex forgot to apologize to Angelica about making her think that he was dating- eugh. 

_January 13th, 2020. 7:37 P.M._

Alex threw on a black turtleneck, mumbling as he pulled on a pair of light grey leather pants. Sure, they may show all the curves he’s insecure of but he didn’t wear them before. They were fancy enough for a birthday party, so he just went with that.

He quickly ran into the kitchen, grabbing a paper plate and a quarter can of tuna. He opened it hastily and dumped it onto the plate, spreading it around and setting it on the counter where CreamPuff was waiting. Angelica approved of the cat, even if Alex had originally found her. He pet his goodbyes and left quickly out to the car. He got in the front seat, directly next to Angelica.

”I’m sorry, Angelica.” She looked at him once he said that.

”What are you sorry for? It was me who lashed out at something you didn’t do. I’m sorry.” Alex relaxed a bit after that. So he hadn’t done nothing wrong.. that was good to hear. 

They pulled into the roller rink 15 minutes later, getting out in a hurry. Alex got out hesitantly. He didn’t want to be here but John did say Charles wasn’t invited. That didn’t make him any better, though. He was pulled inside by Peggy, who immediately rushed to the counter where Angelica and Eliza were, listing the size skate they needed. Alex listed his quietly and recieved a small pair which later on fit perfectly. 

He sat down at a bench, tying the skate’s laces. The music pounded across his body loudly, causing a nauseating feeling. That and it didn’t help to not have eaten for the past 2 days. He got up, mumbling to himself as he was thrown into a hug. He giggled as he pulled away from John and reached into his pocket, pulling out a bracelet. 

“A little gift from me to you. I know it isn’t much but I pulled it together in my free-time-“  
  


“Oh, Alex! I love it!” John exclaimed, pulling Alex into another hug. Alex smiled a bit, seeing John pull away again. John pulled him onto the rink and let go of him, seeing Alex was already pretty good. The two messed around for a while until Laf and Herc joined them, giggling to themselves. _They must be drunk_. It was obvious that the two were bubbly. 

The Schuyler sisters were the next to join the rink, rushing over to the group excitedly. Alex felt like himself again before glancing off into the crowd. _Thomas Jefferson_. Alex felt sick. His throat tightened and he cupped his mouth, rushing off to the bathroom. 

_Bleh_. He washed the horrible taste out of his mouth, also washing his lips with it. He looked at himself in the mirror as someone entered the room. Sweet Jesus..

Thomas snickered as he saw Alex glare at him from the reflection in the mirror. He perked himself among one of the stalls, staring at Alex.

”Feeling sick, Alex?” Alex grunted, looking back down at the water flowing from the tap. “Maybe it’s due to the fact you haven’t been eating.” That made him look up and back at Thomas with horrified eyes. How did he know? Where was he going with this? 

Alex shut off the water, standing up straight and turning back to his enemy looking him up in the eye with a glare. “What are you doing?” Thomas just laughed.

”Pull up your sleeves.”

”What?”

Jefferson got a hold of his wrist and pulled back the sleeve to his elbow, shaking his head and tsking. Alex flinched and pulled his arm back, hastily reaching for his sleeve and pulling it back down to his upper hand. Jefferson looked at him in disappointment.

”What will they think of you?” 

“Please! Don’t tell them anything you know- they don’t need to know!” Alex pleaded. This seemed to please Jefferson as he turned towards the door, reaching it and looking back at Alex.

”We’ll see.” 

Alex returned 15 minutes later after Jefferson walked into the bathroom. The group seemed worried, but Alex assured them that he was alright. It was a lie, but good enough for them to believe him. Alex’s bun had become undone during his time there, letting his dark hair flow to his shoulders as he exited the rink. He was frowning, a common sight now. Alex removed the skates and put on his original boots. Alex returned the skates and left to the car. 

They drive home with excited chatters, well, that is except Alex. He was more focused on how Jefferson knew all this about him. Maybe Jefferson wasn’t as blind as the others. 

“Hey, Cream. Sorry I’m back late.” Alex stroked her head and locked the door behind him, letting out a breath of relief as he removed his turtleneck and examined his arms. It had gotten worse with the new cuts, more apologies engraved into his arms. He let out a sigh and applied a long-sleeved t-shirt. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants and unlocked his door, falling into the comfort of his bed. 

CreamPuff joined him and laid by his side, purring as he scratched her back and scrolled on his phone. It was all boring stuff, the usual. A message caught his attention, it was from John. 

**HeresJohnny-** u up to help me study later tomorrow?

 **alex-** sure. time?

 **HeresJohnny-** 4:00 P.M.

 **alex-** ight. i can walk there it isnt far from here

 **HeresJohnny-** k see u soon.

Alex clicked off his phone, rolling onto his back and looking at his ceiling. God- he was a mess. He had messed up skin and his soul felt shattered more than it ever has. 

Cream let out a meow, notifying Alex that he had stopped petting her. Alex glanced at her and chuckled, scratching her neck as he closed his eyes.

He had gone to sleep a while later, Cream on his lap and door slightly ajar. The curtain shading his window was open, so you could see the light snowflakes of snow falling from the outside. The air was warm, just how Alex liked it. Even in the most beautiful scenarios, there always seems to be something missing. Ah yes, what was missing was his happiness. His laughter and his sanity. It was missing his pure skin and smiles. I see now. The scenes were missing _Alexander_. He wasn’t in them anymore. He was somewhat far away from the beautiful settings, in a deep, dark void that nobody could think to escape. 

_From: Thomas Jefferson_

_To: Angelica Schuyler, Eliza Schuyler, Peggy Schuyler, John Laurens, Lafafyette, and Hercules Mulligan._

**Thomas-** I am aware you all sense that something is wrong with Alexander Hamilton. I, for one, know what is and have the information regarding what changed him. Meet me at the little park downtown on the 21st. I will give every detail of what happened to Alexander that night of the party and what he has been doing to himself to cope with it.

 **Angelica-** What do you mean ‘doing to himself’?

 **Thomas-** No questions. I am already going to tell you on the 21st. Make sure Alexander doesn’t see this. 

**Lafayette-** Why are you telling us this?

 **Hercules Mulligan-** i agree with laf. 

_Thomas Jefferson left the chat_

**Eliza-** Way to go, Laf! 

**Peggy-** we can still get the info about Alex. im going to check up on him. ****

Peggy clicked off her phone, getting up from the couch and walking down the short hall where Alex’s bedroom lay upon. She peeked into the room, seeing Alex sound asleep. There was something different about him this time. He didn’t look as peaceful as he did before the message from Thomas. He looked broken. What did Jefferson mean by ‘coping with it’. Alex had obviously been doing something that needed repairing but.. what was it?

Peggy looked at her feet and moved away from the door, contemplating what it could mean. She pushed it past herself, seeing as she’d find out about it soon enough. She just hoped for the best and what she could do to help this boy. He seemed to have much more story among him compared to the books in the libraries. What made him seem so... broken? Maybe it was the fact he changed over an hour, or that he got all nervous when someone asked him about his past. Somehow, Alex had a lot more on his plate than anyone could bare yet Peggy didn’t know that yet.

She sighed and made her way to Eliza’s, Angelica’s and her room. They shared the rather large bedroom because the house only had two and Alex was using the other one. Not that Peggy minded, no, not at all. She loved having Alexander stay with them. 

Peggy slumped into her bed, turning to face the wall. She closed her eyes and drifted off, hearing the other two chat to each other about what their experiences of today had been like. It was lovely, the setting. But everywhere Peggy looked, Alex was missing from it.

Everybody else had been there... but where was he?


	6. Don’t go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little flashback from Alex’s past. I’m not very experienced with people passing yet so it may be corny :,)

“Mom?” A little boy peeked into her room where the mother laid back on her bed. She was having a bit of trouble breathing and the little boy walked over to her side, looking at the low bed. The mother was slightly sweating with a troubled smile as her son joined her by the bed.

”Un-“ She said with a struggled breath, cupping her hand shakily around the boy’s cheek, who began to tear up and shake his head.

”No~ mom. Please-“

”Deux..” The boy crouched to her side, setting his head on the bed.

”Please! I need you, mom!”

”Troi-s” She said, the breaths becoming more struggled within each second. She held her hand gently on her sons cheek, who began to drip tears.

”Quatre..” The two said together, light shining through the pale curtains. The boy soaked in his surroundings in this moment. There was a withering batch of flowers in the vase next to her on the small table. The silent buzz of the running fan echoed as she continued to count, silently crying as she watched her son break.

”Cinq...” The two said, staring right into each others eyes. Alex shut his eyes tightly, tears falling from his face as he heard another word appear from his mother’s weak voice.

”Six-“

”Mom! Please~ you can continue to fight.. I can’t do this without you...please!” The boy begged as the mother continued to count her way to doom.

”Sept.” She mumbled, looking up at the ceiling as her son let out a sob. She knew this moment was going to change him, but it was her time to leave this earth.

”Huit” She continued as he hand began to fall from Alexander’s small face. He quickly grasped it lightly, holding it to his face and crying.

She was shaking at this point and the words became more struggled. Alex looked at her pale face with blurred vision and let out a small sob.

”Neuf...” She said, clear droplets falling from her eyes onto her pillow as Alex shook his head, begging her to continue fighting. But that was a promise even she knew that she couldn’t make.

”Mom please! I need you alive! You’re the only person left... James and I can’t do this without you- I need you with me! Please! I need you by my side where dad isn’t!” Alex broke, crying like crazy. He watched her hand fall as she said her last words.

”Dix..” 

Alex heart broke and he began to shriek and be pulled out of the room by his older brother.

”NO! PLEASE I NEED TO STAY BY HER SIDE! I NEED TO BE WITH HER! I PROMISED- I PROMISED I’D ALWAYS BE THERE!” Alex pleaded for his brother to let him go. He caught eye of his brother’s face, which was dripping tears. After all, she had been his mother, too. 

Life was like flowers. You can be living one moment and in a grave the next.

I’m sorry, mom... I should’ve been more careful- you shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes..

Goodbye.


	7. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CreamPuff goes missing, Alexander’s body is turning against him. What else could possibly go wrong?

Alex awoke on the bright winter day, mumbling to himself as he shook out of the grasp of sleep. He looked by his lap where CreamPuff fell asleep, but she wasn’t there. Of course, Alex didn’t need to panic. She probably went to explore the apartment, that was fine. Alex got up from his bed, grabbing a pair of jeans and some concealer he borrowed from Eliza. It matched his skin tone, so he could wear a short sleeved shirt for once. He removed the long sleeved, applying the concealer to him arms in thick enough amounts to make sure his cuts were no where near visible.

Though despite feeling nauseous, Alex still wanted to go help John with his studies. He figured it was just the lack of food in his stomach, nothing serious. He took a glance at his arms before grabbing his phone and shooting John a text.

**alex-** 4 p.m, correct?

 **HeresJohnny-** ayup. you can come right now, too. laf and herc are here.

 **alex-** on my way then

 **alex-** see you in 15.

Alex clicked off his phone, taking one last glance at his arms before shoving his device into his pocket and exiting his bedroom. He looked around for any sign of CreamPuff, no luck. He sighed and opened the door to their apartment, stepping out of it and closing it silently. 

It was quiet uptown. There were no honks out of road rage as usual, just the calls of birds. Alex hated quiet. It made him think about stuff he didn’t need to be worrying about. Alex frowned and pulled up his phone, flicking it on and scrolling through the pictures he had taken with friends when he was happy. Alex was throwing bunny ears over John and Peggy in the picture. They all were smiling and giggling. Alex began to point out out differences between him then and him now. Their skin was perfect. No cuts across the arms. He was smiling brightly. Past Alex was happy, where as Alex now was deep in the void where he couldn’t escape. Alex continued to scroll through his pictures, plummeting deeper into the black hell with each one.

Alex gave a weak cough, setting his knuckle over his mouth. As he pulled it back, he noticed there was a light amount of blood on his hand. “ _What the-_ “ He wiped it off on his jacket and brushed the thought off. It must be normal, right?

He saw his destination at the twin house and walked up the driveway to the door. He knocked gently and was greeted a couple second later by Hercules, who threw him into a tight hug. Alex winced lightly, pushing away from Herc. Hercules gave Alex a confused look as Alex pushed past him. He avoided the hugs from Laf and John to just go sit in a chair that was near the darker corner of the room. 

He gave the three a fake smile to assure he was fine, which he really wasn’t. The three gave each other a concerned look and went back to their board game. 

Alex was glancing at his fidgety hands nervously. He lifted his hand, placing his head on it and mumbling. His breathing had fastened over the next few minutes and he heard his friend’s voices fading in and out. _Out._ He looked up. His friends weren’t there anymore. Instead, black silhouettes with white eyes and mouths. They were looked directly at him with broken smiles. _In_. Alex snapped out of it and got up from the chair silently, heading over to the window. _Out._ It was pitch black. Alex looked behind him and the demons returned. Alex let out a short gasp, running across the breaking floor to the mirror. He looked like them. A black, broken silhouette stood as his reflection. White tears were dripping from his white eyes. His mouth formed a weak smile as the mirror shattered. Alex fell back next to the demons and let out a short scream.

 _In._ Worried voices flooded the room as Alex pressed his hands to the sides of his head.

 _Out._ He returned back to the void, laughs coming from his enemies as they stood over Alex,

 _In._ Alex fell to the ground, shaking and babbling.

 _Out._ Alex tumbled backwards into a pit and began to fall as the silhouettes laughed.

 _In._ Alex was screaming out pleads from his spot on the ground as he tucked his body close to him.

” _Help!”_

_”Help!”_

_”Help!”_

_”Help!”_

His friends watched the boy scream to himself, watched as thick amount of tears spilled down his cheeks. They stood up and backed away from Alex, hand up to their chest as he continued to shriek. John was horrified at the sight of Alex going insane. It wasn’t expected for him to be shrieking out ‘Help’ on a evening like this.

”What-“ Lafayette spluttered, “What’s going on with him?!” Laf said over Alex’s pleads. Herc winced but didn’t take his eyes off the shaking body laying on the ground. Laf continued to look at him and near him for anything that could have caused this. Alex didn’t stop screaming. If he didn’t calm down soon, someone might call the police on them for accused murder. 

”Que sommes nous sensés faire!?” (What are we supposed to do) Lafayette panicked, looking around at the others. Alex looked as if he was in pain. He hated to see him that way. John seemed horrified due to the fact the screams sounded to painful and the boy was shaking on the ground. It took him a second to snap out of it and rush to Alex’s side, setting a reassuring hand on his arm. 

“Woah- hey. It’s all good... we’re here. Can you hear me?”

“ _Help!”_

”Alex? Can you hear me?”

_“Help me!”_

Laf flinched at the painful screams of his foster-brother. What was going on? He had been fine a couple minutes ago. Laf turned to Herc, who was tearing up at the sight. 

“Alex...?”

_“Help me! Please!”_

John winced as he saw Alex’s eyes filled with tears _._ His cheeks were flowing heavily with tears. Maybe he saw someone that drove him into this state? John got up from his spot on the carpet and stepped over Alex carefully, peeping out the window. Nothing was there. 

Alex couldn’t see anything that actually was going on. He only saw his enemies looming over him as he cried, falling down the hole. He turned onto his stomach, his arms spread out all the way to try and prevent the impact of the fall. He felt his tears rolling partly down his cheek before flying up. 

_“Save me! Someone!”_ He called out with a wretched wail. There was faint voices, but Alex couldn’t hear the words they spilled out. He landed on the ground with such impact, his breath was knocked out of him. Alex set a shaky arm on the cold, black ground and pushed himself up, looking at the people surrounding him. Charles Lee, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison. Their eyes were unforgiving as they approached him, snickering. 

Alex looked at the three nervously, tears rolling in thick amounts down his cheeks. Alex covered his mouth with his hand and fell to the ground, letting sobs escape him. The three enemies surrounded him, looking down at Alex with malicious grins. He heard a crack in the ground and lifted his hands, looking at the ground. It was breaking. He winced as it broke, letting his body dangle as he latched on for dear life. Jefferson laughed and stepped on Alex’s hand, hearing his begs.

” _I don’t wanna fall! Help me! Save me, someone!”_ He begged as he retracted his hand from the flooring then-

**blank**

“Let’s hope he wakes up soon, otherwise we might have to call someone.” Angelica announced quietly. The entire group was sitting in the living room, exact spot Alex passed out. He was laid back on the floor to avoid breathing difficulties. His legs and arms were slightly spread out, making him seem like he was sleeping peacefully. 

“You didn’t tell us what happened.” Peggy looked up at John, Lafayette, and Hercules. The three exchanged worried looks. Laf sat up, clearing his throat.

”Well.. he was alright at first.” He said. The other two nodded, John keeping his eye on Alex’s movements. “Then he got up and moved towards the window. Couple’ seconds later he fell over and began to scream ‘ _Help me_ ’, ‘ _Save me_ ’ and pleads. He wasn’t looking directly at anyone, just straight forward into the wall. He screamed as if he was in pain. He was shaking while he screamed n’ all..” Lafayette rambled on. The sisters looked terrified at just the sum of if.. boy if they saw. 

There was some silence for a while until a cough was heard from Alex. A couple, actually. When he stopped, he was still unconscious but a small amount of blood dripped from his mouth, catching John’s attention. He shook Hercules’ shoulder violently, getting a annoyed reaction.

”What?” Herc said, glaring. John pointed to Alex’s mouth, which was slightly ajar and dripping blood. “Oh shit-“ Herc moved next to Alex with John as they examined his mouth. 

“What is happening over there?” Angelica said teasingly. The smile faded when she saw Alex’s mouth. She grabbed a soft napkin and rushed over, stooping at his side and cleaning the blood off.

”Is that _normal_?” John asked, looking up at Angelica who shook her head gently. 

“Afraid not.” She pouted, continuing to clean off his mouth. Alex gave out another cough, this time without blood. John winced as he examined Alex. He had caught eye of something on his arm, a small red gash. It looked at if it seemed to be part of something larger. John leaned forward, examining his arm. 

Alex’s leg flinched and there was mumbling from the small figure. He had awoken from the unconscious state and sat himself up, looking around. Everyone was there. But why? The people at the counter saw him awake and rushed over with smiles spread across their faces. John was next to him, holding his hand gently. Alex blinked lazily and rubbed his throat with his free hand, it being sore from the screaming he had done earlier.

”Why am I on the floor?” Alexander questioned with a scratchy voice. John was the first one to answer him.

”You passed out.” Alex tilted his head, mumbling as he sat himself up. 

“But why?” Alex looked at John, tiredness in his eyes. Jesus... he felt sick. 

“Well... that’s for you to answer. We don’t know what was going on with you. You were screaming and crying, pleading and shaking on the floor. What made you do that?” John looked into Alex’s eyes while he said that. Alex wasn’t going to tell them anything, but he needed a good enough excuse to cover it up.

”Well... uh. Nothing. I don’t know what was going on” Alex gritted his teeth behind a smile. That was a terrible lie. They were going to find out sooner or later. But did that mean Alex had to tell them now? No. 

“Mmph.... you sure that isn’t a lie?” Angelica spoke up, looking at Alex with suspicion. Alex quickly nodded, laughing nervously. 

Alex was helped to his feet by Lafayette, who treated him with a smile. Alex nodded his thanks and slumped over to the couch, breathing in and out lightly to try and stop the nauseating feeling from reaching to his throat. He set his hand on his head, mumbling. 

“Feeling alright, Alex?” John looked over to the pale boy from the counters in the kitchen. Alex shut his eyes, cupping his mouth. 

He didn’t have time to speak but his expression clearly read that he was going to be sick. He got up from his spot, running over to the bathroom in the hall across the room. He had made it to the toilet and leaned over it, puking out of the remains of his food that he ate two days prior. 

John entered the room and hastily sped over to him, removing his hair tie and moving the hair in front of Alex’s face and using the tie to style his wavy hair into a bun. Alex winced and leaned over the toilet again, shaking. He felt a hand on his shoulder, patting him gently. 

“I’ll go grab a washcloth and a bucket. I’ll also prepare a inflatable mattress for you. I don’t think you can travel at the moment.” John reassured. Alex gave a weak nod in response, sitting down on his knees on the cold tile floor. 

John exited the room, walking out to the kitchen and opening a drawer, pulling out an oyster-colored washcloth. He skipped over to the sink, turning on the tap water and running the cloth underneath it. 

“Alex is going to be staying here tonight, Angelica. He’s sick.” John said while turning off the tap water, squeezing the washcloth of excess water. Angelica gave an approving nod. 

“Anything I can do?” She offered. John gave a sincere smile and nodded. Angelica was so caring, always there when anybody needed her.

”Yeah, actually. There’s a inflatable mattress in the hall closet if you want to set that up for me. The inflator is in the basket below the shelves. I’ll grab the blanket and the pillows later.” Angelica gave a thumbs-up at John’s words and moved into the hall, opening the door to the closet. She grabbed the box and inflator, carrying it out to the living room. She unpacked the mattress out of the box and spread it out. She plugged it into the machine and flicked it on, causing the mattress to start to inflate.

Alex heard a large buzzing coming from the living room as John entered the room. He sprinted over to Alex’s side, lifting up his head and wiping gently around his mouth. Alex looked miserable and the letters in his words were cut off and babbled in a sickly manor when he spoke. 

“I feel ‘orrible.” Alex winced, being helped up to his feet. John chuckled and guided him out of the room gently. “Where goin’” Alex winced as he was guided out to the living room. There was a large mattress spread with a blanket and soft pillows. He glanced over to the door where the sisters were leaving. 

“-‘M tired.” Alex leaned on John’s shoulder, rubbing his eye. Laf and Herc were on the couch, watching a movie and waved to the two as they passed by to the side of the couch where Alex’s bed lay. John ushered Alex into the bed and covered him witn the blankets gently. He had turned to leave to his room before he was called back.

”Wa’t... stay? Pleas’” Alex begged John. Laf and Herc turned to face the two with smirks. John sighed and went to sit by Alex on his bed. Alex scooted closer to him and rested his head on John’s shoulder, his legs off to the side comfortably. John giggled and set his arm around Alex, smiling. 

Alex closed his eyes peacefully, letting out small snores that made everyone aware he was asleep. His body was lifting up and down gently as John moved him to a proper sleeping position and got off the bed, smiling as he entered his bedroom that was right behind the living room.

The small, sick figure sat up in bed, mumbling as he saw people working in the kitchen. “Wher’ m’ I?” Alex babbled, rubbing his nose. He was too sick to know anything that was going on. Someone took notice of his awakening and brought him a plate of toast. Alex looked up at the tall figure, ah. It was John who served him the toast. Alex mumbled his thanks and brought it up to his mouth, taking a small bite. It was really delicious. Probably because it was the first meal he had in days. 

“Where Cre’mPuff?”

”Huh?”

Alex gave a whine of defeat, slumping back and whining. “Sh’ st’ll missin’?” Alex asked sickly. John gave a laugh of confusion and walked over to the edge of the mattress, sitting next to Alex. John shrugged and grabbed a hold of Alex’s arm softly, bringing it up and examining it. There was one or two cuts along the forearm. Quite alarming but it could be coincidental, right?

“What are these on your arm?” John questioned, looking up at the small teen. Alex’s eyes widened and he retracted his arm, pulling it close to his chest and rubbing it. 

“They’re nothing. Not important.” Alex babbled, nervously shifting around his body. John gave a smile, believing him and helped him up out of bed, beaming. John led him to the kitchen, sitting him down in a chair. Alex muttered some things underneath his breath while another piece of toast was handed to him. He nibbled on it with pleasure but didn’t eat it all. As he was eating his meal, he had noticed John’s hair was in a nice braid.

”Yo’ do braid’?” Alex mumbled, looking at John’s curls. He looked over at Alex and nodded, working on a batter for something. Alex closed his eyes for a minute, rethinking back to the sights of yesterday. He quivered and set his head on his hands, muttering to himself. 

“‘M sorry ‘bout yesterday.” He lifted his face from his palms, looking at John with an apologetic expression. John made a ‘Hm?’ noise and turned to Alex. 

“What do you mean?” Asked John. Alex winced and covered his eyes as he felt them begin to burn. He opened his mouth and made a small noise, closing it because he didn’t know what to say quite yet. He was going to apologize for all the trouble he had caused John, but how?

Alex began to spill out every single one of his apologies he had towards John on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry for making you take time out of your day for me. I’m sorry for making you have me overnight. I’m- god. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m-“ He was cut off by John.

”Wait- lying? I’m confused. What are you so sorry for?” He accompanied the stressed teen at the table, patting his back as he cried silently. “Lying about what, Alex?” 

That sent chills down Alex’s spine. He lied so much to everyone now, there was so many listings. First, that he was fine. Second about what he had seen before passing out and so, so much more. “Nothin’. It isn’t important.” That was also a lie. It wasn’t nothing and it was important, but Alex would _never_ admit it. 

“Maybe you’re just emotional. Here, I have an idea. I can go out and grab some hot chocolates for us if you’d like.” John offered. Alex liked that idea and nodded, wiping underneath his eyes. John smiled and got up, grabbing his wallet and setting it in his pocket. “I’ll also grab some medicine for your stomach, shouldn’t be far from here.” John said, making his way to the door and turning to wave bye to Alex. 

John shut the door behind him, leaving Alex by himself. He looked pale with a deep red around his eyes from all his crying. He was holding his hand around his mouth, closing his eyes and trying to calm himself down. There was a small clap of thunder in the distance, making Alex shake. Of course this was the ‘perfect’ day for a breakdown. It was a while after where rain began to patter on the roof. The temperatures had began to rise over the couple of days enough to get cold rain.

Alex eyed the pantry that lay in the kitchen that he was able to find comfort in. It was empty besides a couple of towels. Alex took a wince before sliding down the wall, crying and his whole body shaking. He didn’t bother to close the door, mostly because he was trembling too much to move. The rain and wind picked up, slamming on the roof. Where was John? He promised to be back soon.. 

John hastily moved inside the local medicine center with his two hot chocolates, doing the best he could to protect them from the rain. As he strolled down the isles, he received a text from Eliza. 

**Eli-** We just got a message from George. Is Alex doing ok? He told us he doesn’t do well around storms.

 **jack-** i went out to grab us some hot chocolates. i can get back there quickly though

 **Eli-** Hurry up, then. 

**jack-** ok?

Strange. Alex was a really bold and loud teen yet he had a weak spot for storms? Of course, John didn’t judge Alex, no. He was just confused why. Maybe it was the loud noises from the thunder. John shrugged it off and grabbed the bottle that usually worked for him and his roommates. Laf and Herc had left in the morning for the Schuyler’s place, so John and Alex were alone. 

John made his way to the self- check out register and scanned his bottle full of medicine, bringing out his card Henry had gave him with some threats if he used it the wrong way or spent it on items he didn’t need. He set the bottle in his pocket and strolled out the small store, holding the bag their drinks were in firmly. He pulled up his phone when he was underneath a roof and shot a text at Alex.

 **jack-** you doing alright?

No response. That was alright, though. Probably busy. He hassled to his house, murmuring to himself as he walked up his driveway. A large thunder clap rolled through, shaking the ground. John quickly made his way to the door, pulling out his keys and swinging it open.

”Alex?”

Alex heard his name being called and set his two hands over his mouth, shutting his eyes tightly and trying not to make a sound. There was the sound of keys being placed on the marble counters and footsteps faded into the hall. The rain began to slam on the roof, causing Alex to make a small sob. Apparently, John heard this and rushed to the kitchen where the sound came from. His eyes landed on a small body in the pantry, quivering.

”Alex..? Is that you?” John approached the pantry, looking at the teen. Alex looked up at him, tears flowing from his eyes.

”Shit..” He winced, seeing John stoop down to his level. John looked up and down at the quivering boy and sat comfortably next to him, offering a hug. Alex scooted over hesitantly, leaning on his body and shaking. He felt John’s arm wrap around him and jumped in surprise. 

“Oh- sorry! I just assumed-“ John apologized. Alex hushed him and shook his head.

”No, i-it’s fi-ne.” He assured, leaning his head on John’s shoulder. He felt butterflies in his stomach, but why? How could you be sick yet feel so warm at the same time? How could you be terrified yet comforted in just a matter of minutes? What was going on with his emotions? 

Did he _like_ John?

There’s the chance- wait... no. He and John were just friends, they just had a very good relationship. But if that’s the case... why did they kiss at the party? It was probably just an accident. He was pretty sure John was straight so there’s that. But if he was.. why was Alex feeling this way? Maybe it’s just the trauma. Probably his sickness getting to him and messing with his body. That has to be it.

John and Alex were just _friends_. Nothing more, nothing less. There’s nothing more to the story. 


	8. Emotions.

* * *

January 19th, 4:36 A.M

Alex was up extremely early despite the fact he stayed all night working on an essay that was required for his science class. He began to write it the very same day it was assigned to get his mind off things. So much was going on in his life that it was the best thing that could happen. Well, that and if he got all of _this_ figured out. CreamPuff ran away a couple days ago, the same day Alex began to question his feelings towards John. 

He was looking through his desk drawer for something to take away his boredom. He moved objects to the side and found a photo at the bottom. Alex picked it up with hesitation, turning it the right way to examine it. It was Alex and John. John was pressing his fingers on his cheeks and criss-crossing his light green eyes. Alex, next to him, was sticking his tongue out, his index fingers next to his deep chocolate brown ones. This photo was taken in their Freshman year. Alex could tell because he looked so young, but mature at the same time. There was also a date to help with that guess so-

Alex looked back at the bottom of the drawer. There was more photos. Alex set the one he was holding on the carpet gently and picked the other photographs up. Most of them were taken with just John and him, the others with the rest of the group. Alex came across an embarrassing one that was taken during halloween. John was a prince of what it looked like. The entire group was looking at Alex, who was wearing a princess outfit. He remembered that night clear as day.

* * *

”Come on, Alex! It can’t be _that_ bad.” Peggy said from outside the Washington’s bathroom. 

“You assign me a corset and small skirt and expect me to go out and wear it in public? The skirt barely covers my thighs, Peggy!” Alex shot back, trying to find some way to adjust his costume. He heard a laugh from outside the bathroom and glanced at his reflection. The skirt was long enough to barely cover his shorts, which was a win. He also didn’t really look half-bad in the costume. He groaned and swung open the door.

”ALEX- HA!” Laf fell to his knees, laughing hysterically. Alex blushed nervously, looking around at the others. They were giggling as well. 

“Well I can certainly change-“ Alex ranted only to be cut off by John, who was to the side of him.

“No, no! It looks amazing and really brings out your curves.” The other’s laughing was replaced with smiles as Alex blushed deep red from John’s assuring words.

“Why are you looking at my ass?!” Alex squeaked, turning to face directly at John, who was also a deep red. The others began to die of laughter again as John nervously covered his face. Alex turned away from John, nervously flushing like crazy. Laf set a hand on Alex’s shoulder and propped himself up, still laughing. Alex shoved him off, smirking. 

Herc stopped wheezing for a minute to directly point at John, who was trying to scoot away from the crowd. “YOU MUST FEEL SO STUPID!” He called, laughing. John froze, nervously fumbling with his hands. The laughing was broken by Martha calling from the main hall.

”What’s so funny up there?” She called up. “Never mind that. Get down here- they’re going to start going around neighborhoods soon!” The group pulled themselves together and piled down the stairs. They arrived in the center and began to head towards the door when George called to Alex.

”And son,”

”Not your son.”

”Sure. Nice costume.” George joked, being shoved in the side by Martha’s elbow. He chuckled as Alex turned around, embarrassed. 

The couple waved their goodbyes as the group walked out the door, chattering excitedly. Alex rushed to the front next to John and began to talk with him happily. They moved onto the street and made their way to the old treehouse they found in a calm part of the woods. They had added a bit of their personalities to it and it came out beautiful. 

The team arrived at the house up in the trees and began to climb up the ladder. Once they arrived in the lovely oak treehouse they sat on the floor, rugs, or beanbags. Alex and John sat next to each other, face to face as Alex taught John how to make a particular knot. The sisters sat on the beanbags, instantly beginning to chat to each other. Laf and Herc also sat on the floor, leaning on each other. 

Alex’s and John’s faces were insanely close together that Laf could easily push them together. He looked at Herc with a smirk and got up from his spot, walking over to the side of the two teens where the window was. He looked outside of it before turning around quickly and smushing their heads together and running away, laughing. 

The two pulled away from themselves, flushing heavily. Alex shot an angry look at Laf, but it also seemed to have some sort of compassion and appreciation in it. He took a side glance at John, who was giggling, and leaned back, hands behind his head and leg thrown over the other. 

“So.. why don’t you like Mr. Washington calling you son?” Eliza asked, shifting her gaze over to Alex, who was relaxing on the oak floors. Alex tossed Lafayette a nervous look, which Laf returned with a reassuring one. ‘I won’t tell.’ Laf mouthed to Alex. He mouthed his thanks to Laf and looked at Eliza.

”It isn’t important, nor would you understand. I don’t really want to talk about it.” Alex muttered, staring up at the ceiling. He looked like he didn’t care too much about it, but inside it really was a big deal. Alex was always good at hiding his emotions, so this was no other big challenge for him. 

“If you say so.” Eliza shrugged, looking back at her phone. “So is this all we’re doing for tonight? Just hanging around?” Maria heard Eliza say that and perked up with a ‘brilliant’ idea. 

“We could play spin the bottle?” She offered, grinning ear to ear. Everyone exchanged nervous glances with each other as they looked back at Maria. 

“First of all, some of us are siblings. It would be weird-“ Alex shuddered, “If we landed on them.” The sisters and Laf nodded in agreement. “Second, we’re just sophomores. I don’t think I’m even that good of a kisser anyways-“ Alex scooted up to a sitting position, rubbing the back of his neck.

”I think you are..” He heard John murmur, which made him turn a deep red and freeze up. Maria slumped back in her spot, grunting.

”We aren’t all seniors, Maria.” Eliza pouted. Maria gave a shrug, notifying that she was probably right. 

“I have Netflix on my phone if anyone wants to watch that with me.” John offered after the long silence of the friends. Alex beamed charmingly and nodded, peeping over his shoulder as he turned on his phone and scrolled to the app. He heard Peggy and Angelica agree and shuffle over to them. Alex carefully placed his chin on John’s shoulder blade and looked at the variety of movies there was to pick from. Peggy and Angelica sat down next to the group, giggling. 

They decided on the Princess and the Frog and got comfortable on the fluffy rug. Alex and John were slightly pressed against each other as they watched the tape. Peggy and Angelica were behind them, gossiping to each other about some drama in the schools. 

All that he remembered for the rest of that night is falling asleep next to John while the others laughed and messed around in the background of the cozy treehouse. 

* * *

Alex smiled as he carefully put the others back in their safe place inside of the warm oak drawer. He did a little more digging around and found a little doll he had made that looked like himself in his freshman year. He frowned, turning it and seeing that it didn’t look like his current state at all. He found a needle at the bottom of the drawer and stabbed it into the doll’s head. 

There was a knock at his door and he hastily shoved the doll beneath his bed. “Come in!” Alex called. Peggy entered the room, a quite sad look on her face.

”What’s wrong?” Asked Alex as Peggy walked into his room. She sat down next to him and set her head on his shoulder, beginning to whine out all her problems.

”Have you ever been in love before?” She said, pouting. Alex tilted his head.

”No, can’t say I have-“ Peggy tossed him a bewildered look and pushed past her original question, shaking Alex’s arms violently. 

“Do you feel ok? Have you gone insane?” Alex scoffed and looked away, “What about John?! You’re madly in love with him! ...right?” Peggy whimpered.

”Don’t assume. Me and John are just friends.” Peggy seemed to break at that. She began to lecture Alex of all the times he had fallen for John. Alex just rolled his eyes and dug his fingernails into his palms. 

He looked around for a moment. Where did she go? The room was tinted a deep black with a mirror in front of Alex. He rubbed his eyes and looked at it with curiosity. It was his reflection this time, not some random silhouette. They stared at each other for a while until the mirror cracked. Alex flinched back and nearly fell onto his back, barely catching himself. He looked back at the mirror and the shadow was back. Something white was dripping from their white, sad eyes. They had a gun pressed against their head and a weak smile across their face.

” _Where am I?_ ” Alex’s voice echoed throughout the endless room. He carefully approached the mirror, pressing his hands against it as he examined the boy. It looked like him, just full black. They had wavy strands of hair poking out of the shadow and was the same height as Alex.ba

As Alex looked closer, he was shot back with a loud gunshot. Alex opened his eyes, scrambling to a sitting position. He must’ve fallen on the ground or something. 

“P-Peggy?” He looked around, landing on the girl who was slightly pressed against the wall, looking at Alex with a concerned face. “What’s going on?” He said as he examined around the room. Angelica and Eliza were watching from the door and also staring at Alex.

”You tell us! You fell on your side and began to mutter out things like ‘Where am I’ over and over. You were shaking and looked like you were having a heart-attack. You scared us! We called Laf, Herc and John and asked what to do. They didn’t even know! They’re out in the living room right there waiting anxiously and probably pressured n’ all.. and you want to know what was going on!” Peggy explained. The way she worded it made her seem angry but her tone was rather more horrified than pissed. 

“Mmph..” Alex made a small grunt as he pushed himself to his feet and stared at his computer. He thought back if he turned in his essay and scratched his ear carefully, trying not to alarm the others with a sudden movement. They had relaxed a bit, seeing that he had calmed down.

”Well.. you were out for an hour-..so it’s nearly 5:45.” Eliza pointed out, quickly fixing her verbal slip afterwards. “Well... not passed out but-“ She made an ‘eh’ shrug and made her way out of the room, following Angelica. Peggy also made her way out of the room but turned back to face Alex.

”Also! The gang and I will be out for a while on the 21st. We’re just going to meet someone.” Alex perked his head up on that. The 21st _was_ his birthday, so he shouldn’t ask. It might ruin something they had planned out. “And please find some way to get better from that” She stopped and thought about it for a moment. “Possessed? Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna use because it’s true. Try and find something to help you not- eh.. do that? I don’t know, I just want what’s best for your mind. And your throat.” She added, seeing Alex frown. 

Peggy exited the room seeing that Alex was alright now. He took a moment to himself, staring at the drywall for just a moment. Alex shook his head and turned to his bed, grabbing his bag off of it and rushing out of the room. He wanted to be directly on time for his test and get it over with.

”Why in such a rush?”

”School starts in like-“ He glanced at the clock. “10 minutes!”

”Alex, we live only a couple minutes away and we’re all ready so I thought-“

Alex whimpered and ignored them, exiting the studio and walking down the stairs hastily to the Angelica’s car. He threw open the main door and nearly sprinted out to the car, the sisters behind him. Angelica unlocked the car as Alex arrived at the passenger door. He carefully opened it and hopped into the seat, closing the door gently behind him.

The others got in and adjusted themselves in their seats to a more comfortable position. They began to drive smoothly down the road, school barely in sight amongst the trees. They lived in a more quiet, lush part of New York. Of course, Alex could appreciate how he got sleep without the endless honking of angry drivers but sometimes it felt too quiet and Alex didn’t know how to cope with it. He sometimes just sat and cried his problems out if there were any at the current moment.

They pulled up in the parking lot the school had. Everyone hastily gotten out of the car and bounded up to the school, shoving their way past people and to their lockers. Alex split from the group, rushing down his hall. He shoved past Lee by accident and earned a death glare. He gulped and kept his head down, setting his bag into the locker and grabbing everything he needed in the class. He quickly shut the metal door and sprinted into his class, halting to a stop once he entered in the class. He let out a huff of exhaustion and made his way to his desk, letting his body slump down.

“Nearly late, Mr. Hamilton.” His Professor called from his desk. Alex could feel his eyes on him as he nervously glanced down at his fumbling hands.

”Yeah- sorry ‘bout that.” Alex apologized, taking a pencil out of his bag and tapping it lightly on the desk. His teacher hummed in response, getting up and grabbing a stack of papers. He passed out the papers quickly and began a timer on his phone, sitting down with pleasure. Alex scanned through the questions printed onto the thin sheet. Easy. He began to fill out his answers without difficulties and finished up soon enough later, before everyone else.

In the time where everyone else was finishing up, Alex was questioning who he was. Why he was, if that made any sense. After all that has happened, why was he still here with _just_ cuts and frowns? Why was he still here missing from the happy images? Why was he still here with John? He didn’t even know how he felt around him and was an emotional mess. Why can’t something for once be alright? 

“Time!” The teacher called a couple minutes later with a smile. He collected the students papers and reached Alexander, who had apparently not heard the stop.

”Mr. Hamilton.”

”Wha-?”

”Test, please.”

”Oh- right. Sorry.”

Alex handed his paper to his instructor, who took it gently and made their way up to their desk and sat down, beginning to scan through the papers carefully. Apparently, nothing else was planned for that class today so they got to hang about the classroom. Alex continued to reason with himself. Was he really bisexual or was he just confused? Alex had gone into a reverse metamorphosis during the last few days. It was like he started out a sad butterfly but became extremely happy over the years and cocooned himself in a terrible chrysalis and came out a depressed caterpillar.

The bell rang and Alex hesitantly got up from his desk and grabbed his things, making his way out the door. He opened up his locker after walking for a couple seconds towards it, setting his things in there and taking out math essentials. He turned around to see Lee standing there, right behind him with a glare. Alex didn’t know what to. His anger and loathing for Charles had turned into fear mixed with confusion. He let his body take him away and he punched Lee in the face. He gasped when he had realized what he had done and quickly rushed out of there, panicked. 

“Holy fuuuuuuckkkk!” He muttered to himself as he rushed into his classroom, sitting down at his assigned desk and began to bury his head in his hands. What had he just done?! He punched another student for no reason. God! Alex continued to whisper to himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and looked up where John was standing.

”I saw what you did to Charles in the hall-“ John said as he slipped into the seat next to Alexander. He was smiling charmingly at Alex. He had thought maybe Alex returned to normal and all this sad, mopey stuff was over. He leaned back in his seat and kicked his feet upon the desk, staring at Alex. “Your skin is awfully pale nowadays, Alex. It’s usually a really nice tan that makes your eyed pop out-“

Alex seemed a bit annoyed as he snapped back at John. “Got anything _else_ you want to say about me? I would absolutely _LOVE_ to hear it” He asked sarcastically, glaring at John who looked taken aback. 

“Oh geez- I’m sorry.. I uh-“

”It’s fine.” Alex shook his head, looking at the window to his other side and avoiding any eye contact whatsoever. He still felt eyes burning into his skin even when he looked away for the next minute or so. The teacher spoke up, catching him off-guard. He jumped a bit, looking around frantically and calmed down at the sight of his teacher being there instead of Charles. He was probably on some ‘Kill List’ if he hadn’t been already. 

Class passed like a breeze. The only inconveniences were Alex’s thoughts. They were packing up to leave for lunch when Alex felt a tug on the collar of his shirt. He peeped up, turning around hesitantly. John was there instead of Lee. Thank god. Alex calmed down for a minute until John asked him a question.

”Alexander?”

”Yeah?”

”What are those on your arms-?” John carefully grabbed a hold of Alex’s wrist and pulled up his sleeve lightly, examining it. There was multiple cuts just along the lower arm, one reading out ‘I’m Sorry’. Alex jerked back his hand, rubbing it carefully. John tossed him a confused look.

”They’re nothing. Come on, let’s get to lunch.” Alex reassured with a weak smile and pulled John out of the class, rushing off to the cafeteria. The two pushed through the doors, making their way to sit down at the table. John dat next to Alex, a bubbly expression on his face. 

Something flickered in the cafeteria when Alex had gotten comfortable. It went from empty and hell-ish to light and chattery. It went back and forth like a wheel and landed on the hell cafeteria. The walls were dark, along with the floors. There was no tables or windows, yet it was awfully bright. As Alex examined the walls a bit more, he noticed some black liquids flowing from it at a steady pace. The people that had been sitting at the tables weren’t missing this time, instead staring at him with lifeless eyes and smiles. Alex scrunched up his nose and got in a defensive sort of position. 

“Alex? Can you hear me? Alexander..? Fuck, I think he’s passed out again. Someone grab a cup of water or something.” A faint voice echoed through the walls, bouncing all around the shadows. 

Something cold was thrown across his face and he awoke, head being lifted up by John as someone splashed water on him. He muttered out a couple cusses and reached for a napkin hesitantly, rubbing it on his face. A couple worried looks were shot at him.

”What the hell are you looking at me for?!” He snapped, glaring at all of them. He wasn’t in the mood for this and found a habit to use anger to cover emotions.

”Christ- ok, sorry. You passed out and-“ Alex cut Hercules off, glaring.

”I am not a maiden in need of protection. I could’ve woken myself up easily-“ That last part was a lie. Alex couldn’t snap out of those things and it all ended up the same; passing out for a couple of hours. Alex groaned and rubbed his eyes, perking himself back up to a sitting position instead of a limp one. 

“Alright then... we won’t awake you next time.” Little did they know the next time he had passed out might’ve been the last they’d ever see him like that. (Foreshadowing? Yes.)

Alex shifted in his seat, mumbling to himself as he cleaned the water off of the table. He felt the need to look up as someone was staring at him. Eliza glanced away once Alex looked up and nervously stared at her sister’s curls. He let out a small groan and focused back on the water. 

“Alex?” Lafafyette sounded worried as he called out to his foster brother. Alex made a small annoyed noise and looked up angrily.

”What?” He snapped, glaring at Laf. Laf looked slightly offended but continued on anyways.

”I don’t understand what you’re going through here. You went from happy to somewhat depressed and now angry? Do you want to talk about it or anything?” His brother offered. Alex got up from the table, dumping his tray and exiting the room. He pulled up his hood as he walked down the halls. He entered a bathroom that was empty and he entered one of the stalls, his eyes beginning to burn.

He shut the door behind him and slid against it, pulling his knees close to his chest and setting his eyes against them. Alex silently cried for a while until someone else came in the bathroom. He heard footsteps and a voiced echoed throughout the walls.

”Alex? Are you in here?” It was John. Alex set his head back gently on the locked door and felt the tear roll down his cheek. He made a small sniffle and wiped his nose. John had apparently heard this and rushed over to the stall door. “Alexander? Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine” Alex hesitated, frowning up at the ceiling. John leaned his back against the wall, crouching down into a sitting formation. 

“Please... I- We’re sorry. I didn’t think that it would make you run off-“ John apologized, though not doing anything wrong. Alex brought a hand to his mouth, shutting his eyes tightly and struggling to not let out a loud wail. He instead made a small, cracked noise to replace it and bit on his hand. 

“I don’t know what your going through here but.. if you could say something it would help so much. I- I just want to know if you’re okay... that’s all. 

Alex lowered his head onto his knees and felt a thick amount of tears rolling onto his jeans. He couldn’t help but to let out a sob to help with it, to ease his breathing.

“Oh god- I’m sorry Alex! I-I didn’t mean to!” John began to try and calm the bawling boy from the other side of the door. He frantically shifted around to try and began to do everything he could. Alex didn’t like anyones help, it only made situations worse and more tense. He began to cry out loudly, his hair getting in the way of his eyesight.

”Aah! I didn’t mean to- please open the door so I can help! Please, Alex!” John pleaded. Alex didn’t want to make him angry, so he did as John had asked and unlocked the door. John hastily pulled it open and rushed to his side, hugging him gently. Alex sank into his comfort and continued to weep loudly. John had noticed multiple cuts on both if his arms underneath his sleeve, which had been pulled up slightly. Was Alex _cutting_ himself? Should he ask him? John mentally shook his head. Now was not the time. He needed to comfort Alex right now. He could deal with why Alex was possibly harming himself later, right? That and Jefferson might explain it. 

“I don’t need you to explain anything to me anymore today. I think you may just be emotional.. Does that sound alright?” John asked after Alex calmed down, still gasping for breaths at some moments. Alex nodded and mumbled quietly, but loud enough for both of them to hear.

”We can go back-“ Alex inhaled for a breath sharply. “To class now..”

John tossed him a worried side glance. “You sure..?” He asked. Alex nodded after thinking about it for a second and pressing against John lightly. John got up and helped Alex to his feet, allowing him to stagger for a bit until allowing Alex to use him as some sort of stabilizer. As he guided him out of the bathroom, John took in every detail of him. His arms were scraped with cuts that were too thin to be accidental. His black, silky hair was splattered out on his face, some over his eyes. He had dark bags underneath his eyes and tear stains running down his cheek. He had a large frown on his face as he walked alongside John. Maybe he could ask Peggy about Alex’s current state tomorrow. 

The two entered the Social Studies classroom and sat by each other. Well, John kinda followed Alex around until he sat down and just took the seat. He wanted to make sure Alex was alright. As they went through the lesson, Alex’s head was tucked in his arms comfortably. He was blinking slowly, as if tired from all the crying. 

Alex was having trouble staying awake. Just one more hour... _one more_. He can handle that. Just try and act like the lesson is _actually_ interesting. Alex shifted himself properly in his seat and tapped on the desk as the teacher ranted about some founders of America. He already knew all of this, so it was safe to say he could just relax for a while.

_Riiinnnnngg_

The dismissal bell had rung loudly and the students in the class began to pack up quickly, chatters filling the room nearly instantly. Alex got up from his seat and made his way into the hall. He hadn’t taken anything out from his locker, so he could just grab his bag and get out of there. 

Alex plopped down into bed, mumbling as he grabbed a pillow and applied it where he was. He turned onto his side so he could actually breathe and felt the sleepiness rising in him. Alex closed his eyes with a smile and soon later had a pleasant night of rest. 

_from: John Laurens_

_to: Thomas Jefferson_

It has come to my attention that something is severely wrong with Alexander Hamilton and his behaviors. I am fully aware that you will be telling us all that you know about his current situation on the 21st but I do have a couple questions about the meet up. Will you be covering who or what made him this way and how? Are you going to tell us whether we can fix this problem with him? Are you going to tell him about this meeting? I am severely worried for his own sake and want what’s best for him. Please write back if you are willing to answer these questions. Have a good night’s rest.


End file.
